It's March, and you all know what that means. In March, people who have surnames such as, oh ... O'Brien, celebrate that great patron saint of the Emerald Isle, Conan O'Brien. No, I mean St. Patrick. You know him, you love him, unless you are a snake.

This Romano-Briton (he wasn't born Irish!) was son of a deacon and grandson of a priest, before that pesky priestly celibacy thing kicked in. Though accounts of his life vary, a Catholic biography of the dear saint says Patrick's real name was probably Patricius Magonus Sucatus. He was later nicknamed Mick.

If you think we Irish-Americans are, um, hardheaded, Patrick showed the way, as he was nothing if not determined and persistent. At age 15 he was seized into slavery and taken to Ireland, but he escaped six years later, hopped a ship and sailed back home. When he later returned to Ireland as a bishop, again he was kidnapped and imprisoned repeatedly by Druid priests, as they feared he and his Christianity would force them to be laid off. But ever resourceful Patrick kept escaping.

St. Patrick is quoted as lamenting, "Daily I expect either a violent death, or robbery and a return to slavery, or some other calamity." But he kept putting everything "into the hands of Almighty God," which gave him a lot of traction on the saint track, and we are all glad he made it. I can't imagine celebrating Mr. Patrick's Day on March 17, can you?

St. Patrick not only got endless numbers of Irish people to join the church -- and the following week, each received donation envelopes in the mail -- but legend has it he also drove the snakes from Ireland.

The biographer says St. Patrick, a 5th-century bishop who was sent to Ireland to spread the faith after the previous bishop was killed while spreading the faith, decided he better get to know the guy running the place.

So he got to know powerful pagan King Laeghaire, the supreme monarch of Ireland who was holding court at the ancient seat of the high kings of Ireland at Tara, which made both Scarlett O'Hara and Vivien Leigh very happy, even though the place was pretty crowded with messy pagan courtesans.

And while Laeghaire liked Patrick a lot, probably because the ever-charismatic bishop took him to a lot of bingo and CYO basketball games, he stayed pagan, probably out of habit. But his two daughters, his brother and his chief bard converted to Christianity. So Laeghaire (pronounced Buddy) told everyone, including the Druid priests, who by then wanted to slay Patrick: "No you dih-hunt think of killing Patrick!"

And that brings us back to the present day and the Irish and the Irish-Americans and the green clothes, green hats, green beer, green hair, shamrocks and parades.

I know you non-Irish are wondering: Why do these obnoxious potato eaters make a big show of St. Patrick's Day, and do they think they are better than Croatian-Americans, African-Americans, Japanese-Americans, etc.?

Well, not necessarily better, but a lot of St. Paddy has rubbed off on all of us Irish-Americans. And as the biography speaks of Patrick, "He was intensely spiritual, a magnetic personality with great gifts for action and organization."

Evidence of this personal magnetism among us today is, of course, our gifts of gab, writing, poetry, storytelling, singing, jokes, laughter, smiling eyes, river-dancing, lifting a pint and in general, anything that doesn't require much hard manual labor, though we are good at organizing others to do manual labor.

And so, before I go, I want to solicit your participation in the Let's Name the Notre Dame "Fighting Irish" Something Else contest. Better hurry because we already have received some great proposed mascot names that are more politically correct and less belligerent, though if you don't enter, we will not beat you up ... in all probability.

Some of the entries we've already received are: the Hail Marys, the Green Gang, the Gang Green, the Danny Boys (women's teams, the Dani Boys), the Fighting Nonsectarians, the Peaceful Irish, the Green-eyed Bomb Throwers (though this may be a step backward on the belligerence front), the Rooney Family, the West Bend Straighteners, the Golden Leprechauns, the Gaelic Shamrocks, the Jade Brigade, the Celtic Wave, the Emerald Tide, the Chartreuse Multinationals, and the Pacifists Except for the Linebackers.

Lastly, the biography of St. Patrick says: "The story of his driving snakes from Ireland has no factual foundation." Though he did send the devil on a long vacation to Venezuela.

Please don't forget to fill and drop those donation envelopes into the collection basket. And may you be in heaven 10 minutes before the devil knows you're dead.

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Think of it as March gladness.

Cartoonist Rob Rogers does "Rob's Rough," an early look at his work and his creative process, exclusively at PG+, a members-only web site of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. Our introduction to PG+ gives you all the details.